AKTIBISTA

Ever since last semester, accounting has been my main problem. Perhaps you could have sensed it as well that in two of my previous entries one could feel the direct animosity between me, Accounting and the mighty "V". Yes, I do still believe that what they're doing is a direct conspiracy but everything is all over now. Last Friday, we took our last long test and it was just dandy. I had prepared for it quite well. Thanks to our wonderful tutor, Madam E. and then of course God. Last semester, getting a D in Acc10 was so depressing. What I did was to promise to the Almighty that I come back to my weekly devotion of going to church and deeper prayer, asking for guidance for both Acc30 and Law11. And I believed that he did help me. I just hope that I get the marks I'm targetting for. In case, I leave it up to him.
Guys, start a devotion and hold it on to your heart. Do not falter; there is nothing wrong of being passionate. After all, we're human
-NEIL
"The Activist"

I emerge from my last entry to say that now is not the right time to be silent but instead to stay stronger than ever. Two things happened to me the past two days that made me want to SCREAM inside out. Although I alrerady did the former. The first one is more traumatic than the other. The one that followed is evidence to my firm belief that the system doesn't work anymore.
Last Monday, my groupmates and I had to tolerate our "oh so high" teacher his disrespect and downright rude behavior. He interrupted in the middle of the report and lashed us every angle he could thinking perhaps he was the Duke of the Almighty Land of Literary Success. I hate teacher who disrupt students in the middle of the reporting and humiliate them. I believe in the correct manner of criticizing and so you do it after EVERYTHING HAS BEEN SAID and not during the middle. I don't like the fact that the way he addressed us was more like an "Imperial" Decree of Hitler. (Your Highness, the world DOES NOT revolve around your nor your lesson nor the ignorance you have!) That was the first "really bad" experience I had in all of my reporting during my past two years in the Ateneo and I will build on this to prove to those smarty pants people what I am capable of doing. True I couldn't please anybody but remember so can't you!
Just this Tuesday, we heard news of our that the 3rd LT in Accounting will be returned to us. For the past few weeks, I had accepted my fate that I should get at least a "D" for the hardwork I exerted and for the badluck that followed in the test.To my horrow as I approached to Maam's desk to get my paper, a shocked teacher told me that she was disappointed and how I got so low, failing low. I got my paper and reviewed it scanning for the 8 points of a difference to make me pass. When I reached the fourth, here was a sheet of paper with no check nor X marks on, a unmarked paper worth total of 10pts. On another number was a 7-pointer problem marked zero which I was sure of I had gotten perfect as I reviwed on it twice during the test as it was one of those chain-reaction problems. By mistake of round-off twas said but I followed through what was asked. Besides that the point of the test is for you to know how to solve and not just a matter of rounding off. NOBODY'S PEFECT YA KNOW! Didn't you get the memo when you were born! Even the test-makers allegedly made mistakes as well as the department as a whole. Up to know I have 17 points pending credit for my score, something that will hopefully help me and bring justice to the effort I and like many other students did on this test. I wasn't the only one who suffered from this. The whole experience made me believe how a checker-teacher could be so careless and cold, as if he or she didn't gave due respect to the students staking themselves for each LT in Acc30. It just made me feel that this course continues to be a design for failing. Although I must commend my teacher Maam Estrada for giving us due consideration and for siding with us. God Bless her heart!
Readers, never be off-guard! Stay alert!
I vow to my grave that I shall never be silent again for no good purpose! I staked my "aktibista-ship" in this!
GOD BLESS YOU ALL!
-NEIL "The Activist"
P.S.
HAppy Birthday to Mariel, SJ, Anna and Danica!

Although the weekend simply breezed by to most people, the last couple of days were very significant for me. In a span of forty eight hours, I had time to spend for myself after a hectic and hard-pressing accounting exam. I spent my Saturday with my brother after NSTP and we talked a lot. It was a long time ago since we last went out together. We shared stories upon stories. Of course, it was also a Valentines weekend because most lovers would have spent the celebretion over the weekend. It was this encounter that I noticed how my brother's sensitive side could be overwhelming. As for me, I was both glad and lonely. I miss the fair lady watching me in heaven. Her touch and lips were most I missed. But, as people say, life does move on although I'm still in the process of doing it. However it was this weekend that I had the courage to greet my former high school crush a Happy Velentines. We texted with one another until I learned that she still doesn't have a boyfriend. What luck! I'll end there.
I also had chance to get a messenger bag from Nike out from the wallet of my lucky brother. It has been a very productive few months for him. He won a N70 phone by buying a pair of Islander sandals, acquired a full tuition payback for being dean's lister at DLSU (dad's company college grant) and has currently launched a new laptop bag line. And to top it off, he is set to graduate early next year. I salute you dude!The only bad thing I could get from this is the pressure on me. Yikes, my accounting won't really help me in this.
My accounting has practically reduced me to small guy over the weekend. I had haunting slips in my head on what to do to get a C in my final grade to stay in Mgt, thinking for the worst of my last exam which had bad luck scammed over it.
Over the weekend, I was kinda desperate, worrying, lonely, slighty happy, slightly relieved, completely tensed for everything to unravel the week that follows. I had time to sleep but all these feelings were more heavy than you know how to bear. All I had to look for hope was in the Chinese New Year which aspiringly should bring in luck and prosperity. I even subscribed to eat noodles that day to bring in long life. I just hope dearly that it is the life span of my Ateneo life. Although it was somewhat strange that I ate spaghetti and not any Chinese noodles. I just wasn't in the mood even up today.
To add more excitement last weekend, I had a very awkward moment with my roomate yesterday night. Where he entered the room unpectedly caught me in a rather "different" state of pleasure. Enough said.
As of this moment, this activist is silent and passive for now. I blame accounting.
-NEIL
"The Silent-Activist"

Today, I'm a wreck. I'm sick, I have a runny nose and a fever that reached 39 degrees Celsius by the middle of the day. And to think, I had planned to do a lot of school work today, sigh, I spent it resting. Desperate, by 4pm, I texted my parents and my pedia-aunt to find a better medication, the Decolgen and tempre forte I've been taking seemed not to work. It spread like wild fire in Bacolod. Within the hour, after I bought the new prescribed medicine, I got several calls from worried aunts and parents. THe feeling of being cared for is amazing. It's a testimony of being loved. Shucks! I feel guilty of being bad sometimes, makes me wanna cry.
-NEIL "The Activist"

To dear readers:
I ask you all to understand and not to judge me in this entry. This is one of the greatest chapters of my young life which I have kept for so long that this is the first time I have decided to let go of an experience that has captured my heart for too long. Not even my parents know about this particular event (although they might had a clue) and I have only shared this to a chosen few whom I know are trust worthy people so I ask you to simply read and probably learn from it.

When I ended my Sophomore year, I expected every inch of a vacation like any high school student would be. An upcoming wedding at Cebu City was part of that vacation, my cousin Wendell was to wed. Like any grand Chinese weddings, there were several traditions that go with it like the engagement ceremonies (done a few months back), the dragon's presence (where any dragon relative must sleep with the groom to rub on luck the night before the wedding, guess who was that person?) and the Night banquet which is before the wedding day itself which was as nearly as extravagant like the Wedding ball itself. All in the rich list were there, 80% from the Chinese community naturally. Everything reminded me of the times of the Han dynasty in China where food was abundant as well as people. It was a reunion for both sides of the family and pretty much our side of the family , the Yap's are a large bunch. There were people everywhere. It was during the Night Banquet that my life changed.

It was that night that I saw and met her as our eyes met as our parents exchanged greetings while her parents and she curtsied. This was beauty in front of me. She was astonishingly beautiful, tall, curvaceous, sweet and very lady-like. As our eyes met, she smiled at me. We were then introduced. Her name was Christina Patricia Chan. Of course, I smiled back. In between the party, I looked for her as I could not stop thinking about that moment where our eyes were locked. I found her alone and asked her to go with me, which she did. I never had asked anybody to go with me before. I didn’t even know where we were headed. We talked and I even got the chance to hold her hands. They were so tender. We promised each other we will meet again. We sent each other text messages, lots and lots of them.

And we did, this time during the wedding day as we once again escaped outside the reception hall. We were alone and all we did was talked. We were so enchanted with one another as I can’t stop adoring those beautiful eyes. She was truly remarkable. My heart was pounding, it was a strange new feeling. As the night ended, I never expected things to be that fast. Then, she kissed me! on the cheeks as she blushed away. I smiled, trying to comprehend what has happened as we hurriedly went back to the tables. I thought that would be the end of it. Little did I know that her family was very close to my cousin’s and have vacationed together several times. So when my family continued our vacation in Cebu, I was of course surprised to see her the next day. We both pretended that we just knew each other but as the folks were not looking, we went out. This went on for fourteen more days, the duration of last days of the vacation. On the last night, we bid farewell and we kissed this time on the lips, my first. It was spectacular, a great feeling which was spontaneous but very comfortable, nice. Now I believe in love at first site but I felt a connection so great that I couldn't believe that she just came into my life. BUT no one ever knew but us. To those who noticed they might have just thought we were friends.

Now afar, we continued our relationship through emails, calls and test messages, a long distance relationship which was very binding. This continued on happily as we promised to meet each other on the Christmas break where my parents have planned to vacation once again in Cebu. I was very excited.

By late November, I noticed that for a long time now she hasn’t replied to any of my messages and calls. I was puzzled about if I did something wrong. I would never have expected that on November 28th, her sister called to tell me that Christina has died. Her sister told me that it was cancer and it was her time. She said sorry as I or maybe it was she hung up the phone. I was teary-eyed for once in my life. She was gone. I was gone as well, lost. What happened to the expectations? Our relationship? the nights in Cebu? Lost was this fool.

I never really did go to the funeral but she's still in my heart buried somewhere there in the middle. Up to now, no one knows what had happened. FOr people this may have been a fling but for me it was a relationship that should have lasted a lifetime.

Several years have passed I continue on to remember those memories which I will forever cherish. Now that I'm in Manila, I have been lately thinking of the possibilities, we could have been together at the Ateneo or whatever university we chose to be together. I envy those who have relationships in school. It's because I miss the feeling of that kind of love, something irreplaceable. It was however, in one of the classes I attended which had a project on about myself that I reflected on my life, on where I'm standing on this part of my life and I concluded that I was lost, unwilling to let go but I must or better yet I should have a long time ago.

I know that she would have wanted me to think of the good days and move on and so I want to and I think right now as I'm telling my story, I am. But it's hard. I know that I still like Sarah as my first crush (back in the high school and grade school years) is still my crush but I could never say she's my one and only as my high school friends would say so as though I have never wavered. There was Christina, the lost princess that made me lose my way.

Hopefully, by sharing, I should have realized something about myself. Perhaps to pursue something here in Manila but it could be a long track.

In dedication to Christina Patricia L. Chan....

To the readers, Happy New Year to one and all!
Every new year, many people take to deep consideration what they should do to make their lives better, richer, more fulfilling, meaningful , etc., etc. Every year many try to make resolutions set to accomplish their aspirations. By polls, however, only a few realize these resolutions. I'm one of many who rarely accomplish my resolutions. Like some, I lack the focus of what I want to achieve and naturally deviate. How pathetic is that! But, hey, I'm only human. Perhaps the better alternative to make myself and the world around me better is to start the year right then move on to those resolutions. Perhaps starting correctly will prompt in a new inclination for me to go for those goals I've tried so humbly set for myself. Resolutions are a plenty, some are never done but do not stop making them. Setting goals psychologically pushes you to do some effort to achieve them, may those effort be unfulfilled, petty or whatever. Any effort is a form of improvement. At the very least, you did not quit. THe best verb I could associate resolutions with is to try.
For me, I've already said that I want to start this year right, thus the introduction for following series of entries in this journal for January.

It was only in 2006 that I had the courage to reveal a story so dear to heart to my friends in college, men of trust I must assume. In a mysterious but enlightening way, sharing that story made me feel better as if I had let go of a burden. I could only analyze it so to be "moving on" from something so sad but entirely treasured. Since the objective of this journal is to express in the hope of liberty and freedom, I have decided to finally share a part of my life which nobody or almost nobody knows, something I have kept since I was 14 years old, something that has shaped my character in more ways than anybody knows.

P.S.
THis is under the very funny notion that only a few read this journal.

-NEIL
"The Activist"

Yes, readers you guessed it right!
The Acc30 LT 1 is over. It was damn hard and confusing as it was destined to do so, a hit against Mgt students. As if it was a conspiracy, the LT made madness the topic. What frustrates me is the fact that I gave it my best shot. I believed in myself that I have prepared enough for the damn thing. Of course, we do not know yet of the outcome until next year but rest-assured that I'll be having nights in Christmas thinking about the possible score I could salvage from that test.
All LT's in Accouting have all been this challenging, a point of no return in which by 7:30, the middle point of the test, you'd wish to run out and cry like the world is about to end. THe thought does enter if Acc30 is a conspiracy against Mgt students. In mind of the fact that most of us we'll be hiring professional accountants, I believe that the principle of the whole thing is for us to know "how to proceed". So why not let us open notes like Statistics exams? Why give it more units in compared to LT10 where more of the exact world of business dwells? Or why would they say that our exams are harder than the board or "bored" exams? THese things are good thoughts to ponder. I leave it up to you, Acc30, a conspiracy or not?
Yet, we live to fight another day and continue on the quest of academic success so continue on by thinking differently but precisely
-NEIL "The Activist"

Readers, Greetings!
Ever since I started studying at the Ateneo, it has never been completely smooth sailing for me. As one of the most the prestigious university in the country, its standards of par excellence has and will always be expected of it in the academic world. To survive the Ateneo is already counted as a success but I beg to differ. In a world where you have to be at the top of your game, you must standout as an individual, as a student most especially if the competition between fellow Ateneans is stiff and most especially if your a BS-MGT (Management) student of the prestigious JGSOM. Eventually, you will realize the need to find your edge if not create it on your own.
This is the primary reason behind the motto I created for myself "Thinking differently but precisely".

Thinking differently simply means to think of entirely unique ideas among others. Be creative in the concepts and the processes in whatever you do may it be projects, proposals etc. Keeping an open-mind as well as criticism are parts of the build-up of what particular idea you may think of. In addition, thinking differently should produce something not only unique but sometimes out of the ordinary. In the end, you'll be able to create something entirely on your own, entirely yours, an edge no one has.

Thinking precisely means to be clear and detailed in the ideas you think of. It should be logical but at the same time instinctive. It also means being careful, to avoid mistakes and be constructive. Perfection may never achievable but we can sure heck try our best. Thinking precisely also means being clear. You must have the right idea of what you're doing or what will you be doing and being conscious of the results and consequences that may arise.

This motto is part of my game. My objective may not necessarily mean being at the top of my league but holding a highly respectable and dignified role in that league. Of course, being on top naturally never hurts.

SO THINK DIFFERENTLY BUT PRECISELY!

-NEIL "The Activist"

Hello readers,
On my first entry, I've explained the reason the aktibista in me and in my email address "andoy_aktibista@yahoo.com". Today I present how "andoy" came to be. In the second part of this entry reveals my preparation for the test, a leap in my efforts in Accounting 30.

My complete name is Neil Andrew Yap-Cabaluna from Negros Occidental, Bacolod City. "Andoy" is derived from Andrew, a product of being influenced by the old folks and by my parents. Although, my parents are not old-fashioned at all, they like to tease my name using andoy or andong. THis went through all my young life by my aunts and uncles who lovingly call me that. In respect to them and in honor of the simplcity of my roots, I used "andoy" as a valid ballot name during the elections. Some of my schoolmates still remember me in that name, weird, "sinag-una" in Ilonggo (makaluma) but defintely unique.

Tonight, I'm in the middle of my preparations for my first Long Test in Acc30. For this semester, I could proudly say that I subcribed to the use of a tutor to aid me in making the grade in this so-hard subject. Aaargh! Poor me, I need to double time. Seriously, this test is a challenge if my efforts are enough including the tutor's. But, as I could openly say, my tutor rocks! SHe knows her stuff and I just hope that I know mine by tomorrow. THanks Michelle for helping me!

TO THE BLOCK p4 NATION and those who are taking the Acc30 exams, GOOD LUCK!

TO MY ROOMIE JASON, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

-NEIL "The Activist"